Chaotic Farce

okay. i would update more regularly had i more interesting things to talk about… but all i can talk about is Marley (the new pup) of which, i’m already flooding twitter with all the updates about her. personally, that’s what my life is about right now. my money and everything is tied up because of her, simply because my mom refuses to pay for my own pet. awesome huh? responsibility sucks, i never wanna grow up. selfish, i know but i never said i wasn’t.

i have to admit there are times that i feel like i have a lot to say but i’m always at a loss for words. maybe as i grow older, my mind gradually dies off or something because now i have to actually think really hard to function normally. i find myself going through day to day life without using my brain very much and it used to be okay, but now because of old age or some brain disease, i constantly get into trouble because i do stupid things without thinking. i find that i go through too much bimbo moments and talk about bimbo things a lot more now that sometimes i feel like i’m not ‘juan’ anymore. not that i know what the old me used to talk about but i’m sure it wasn’t as shallow as now….?!?!

i obviously don’t make sense. i’m tired. i’m lazy. i don’t wanna go back to uni. i don’t wanna study anymore. i want to be someone else. i want to stop trying. i wish you’d stop pretending. i want to stop hating you. i wish i could forgive and forget easily. i want everyone to stop being so fake. i wish i wasn’t fake too. i want to stop spending so much money. sometimes i don’t wanna be a girl because sometimes it’s tiring being caught up in all the WANTS (bags, shoes, sneakers, new car, gadgets, clothes, stuffed monkeys, pretty stuff….etc). i wish everyone could stop telling me how fat i’ve become. i wish i could tell everyone that i’m comfortable being fat as long as it’s reasonable. all of them impossible wants and wishes! haih! lifeeeeeee……….

love and peace ♥